Skip to main content

Orbit (For Ruby)

We met in the wreckage of a Rocklands afternoon—  

two broken satellites glittering into each other’s gravitational pull,  

debris from different explosions suddenly finding  

this impossible synchronous dance around shared tea cups  

& mysterious burns on the living room table where we learned  

that chaos, sweet chaos, makes the finest adhesive  

for souls that never learned to stay in one constellation.


And now we are here, 

living in the same four walls  

like bad jazz musicians 

who’ve found their rhythm in discord,  

your pink cracked tea mug next to mine in the sink  

like spray painted flags hung from shoulders in a social hurricane

beautiful & temporary & somehow eternal  

while I mentally pace the hallway at 3 AM 

wondering  

if you’re counting the ways I leave my books everywhere  

And whether friendship forged in such a beautiful disaster  

can survive the mundane terrorism of shared rent  

And whose turn it is to buy washing powder.


The cats brought fleas, little tiny vampires  

hopping like anxiety made manifest,  

& I manic vacuum with the holy dedication  

of a monk sweeping abbey floors  

while my paranoid heart whispers:  

This is it—the moment you realise  

I am chaos without the beauty,  

I am destruction without the poetry.


But you’ll just laugh & spray the furniture  

like you’re blessing it with holy water  

& I think maybe friendship  

is not about being perfect satellites  

in predictable orbit

but about being beautiful disasters  

spinning through space together,  

collecting each other’s debris  

& calling it a home.


Still, I wake up some nights  

afraid you’ll find a better constellation,  

one that doesn’t come with fleas  

& neurotic 3 AM pacing  

And my 300 books scattered like abandoned prayers

but then another morning breaks  

& you’re making forbidden cheese toast for two  

And you’re mumbling off-key while you do it  

& I remember:


We are the friendship that shouldn’t work  

but does,  

the impossible mathematics  

of two broken things  

making something whole  

in the beautiful, flea-infested,  

Tea-stained, perfect chaos  

we call living together


& if that’s not love,  

it’s the closest thing  

to revolution  

I’ve ever known.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Dad Was A Sweet & Tender Hooligan...

  Dad (Right), with Derek Beackon campaigning on the Isle of Dogs, 1993. ... A Failed Fascist & Father. There is so much confusion around exactly who I am.  A Romani woman who was a child of a Neo-Nazi father. A Neo-Nazi father who, despite all my philosophical protestations otherwise, probably has been the most impactful influence on me. An anti-racist activist whose voice shakes in the guilty shadow of childhood memories of pride performing adult encouraged Sieg Heil salute.  Yet, I owe a debt to my father. I am who I am, whatever that is, because he was who he was. Not that I think he knew who he was either. Adopted by a Birmingham Catholic family and no traceable adoption records must have have him an existential void that he tried to fill with fascism. Finding a family in West Ham football hooligan gangs, singing his rage out to Screwdriver, finding a uniform to wear in the worse sides of the Skinhead movement. The only stories I heard about this childhood was a ...

Verdict in Viscera

The nation is a white room with no corners. It smells of bleach. It smells of the sharp, metallic tang of the law. The state is not at the keyhole: it is the cold, clinical light that refuses to flicker. It is the sudden chill of the sheet against my spine. The hard, unyielding edges of the iron frame. Your mouth is a trespass on a map they have not yet digitised. A secret union of the rain-heavy moss of the island and the iron-red dust of the road. Two stolen territories finding a common border in the dark. I want to drown the sirens in the heavy, industrial heat of your throat. To feel the interior labyrinth of my blood opening like a raw, wet pulse in a room of glass. We are a tide of salt and sweat moving against the rigid architecture of the census. Our limbs tangling like the roots of a tree they tried to pave over. I feel the ceiling descending. The walls leaning in with the slow, grey gravity of an exclusion zone. But I find my space in the way your teeth catch my lower lip: a ...

710 Days

They finally said the word. 710 days too late, but they said it.   Genocidal acts.   The careful counting while children stopped breathing. The documente d death, delayed decisions. The shuffle of papers while families screamed.   My Inner-Roma child asks me: "Why did they wait so long to say what we could see?"   I taste ash when I try to answer.   We know this rhythm how institutions measure murder in acceptable doses, how they academic-ise annihilation until it fits their forms.   The commission's words sit heavy in my stomach. Truth that burns the throat to speak: Recognition without action is just another form of complicity.   710 days of choosing to look away, to gather evidence instead of stopping bullets, to debate definitions while defining a people out of existence.   But some threw their bodies into the gears: Students occupying campuses, workers refusing to load weapons, artists breaking complicit silence.   The machine can be sto...